Mine father is already dead, because when I visit him he doesn’t know who I am. I also hear people say “don’t bother she has dementia she doesn’t know” or “Yes my partner is alive, but I’m already a widow”
No, this is not true! Having dementia is not being dead. Having dementia is not the same as not feeling not knowing.
The person with dementia is still alive! Lost in the dementia fog is that person and is there terribly scared, insecure and lonely.
Because the world he or she know so well is disappearing, past & present are mingling. He or she is missing handholds, is missing you, needs you and is searching for you.
But the dementia fog stands between the both of you and through time it become more and more difficult to find each other.
In time he/she will be depended on your help. You have to wash, dress, and feed. He or she does not “know” your name, can shout at you, does not understand your saying. Oké Lets look to another part of life.
Getting a baby, everyone is happy and excited. There is the baby healthy and very much alive. The baby is yelling and screaming you have to feed the baby, wash the baby, and dress the baby.
The baby doesn’t know your name, doesn’t listen when you ask him to be quiet. I ask you – What is the difference? I can give you one difference……..
The person with dementia has taken care of you when you was a baby. Without your father and mother you would not be here today. Because a baby needs care will it survive his first years.
It may surprise or shocks you, but on a “deep level” the person with a demtentia still knows who you are, because with the dementia the empathy grows stronger and stronger.
But the ability of interacting can be no longer working due to the dementia fog. But body language can give you answers.
Look to the eyes, a change can be very small but tells a lot. Look to the face and the hands, are they becoming less convulsively when you be nearby? These signs are your communication ports.
Not the living dead
People with dementia are not the living dead. In essence there is not much difference between the care for a baby and the care for someone with dementia.
Yes, I now there are difference, don’t tell me. I have 10 years cared for my mother with alzhiemer’s. But I want you to see the “similarities” I want to show you the dementia communicating gates.
The dementia communication gates
1- Love, respect, open mind and lots of compassion & empathy.
2- Create an atmosphere where someone with alzheimer’s feel accepted, even if he forget, makes mistakes or do it wrong.
3 – Use music & creative arts, they are tin openers for the memory.
4 – Do not ask! Do not ask questions instead of this do something! Being busy and working together can bypass the alzheimer.
Golden alzheimer moments
With these communicating gates you can create golden alzheimer moments. Moments where the one with alzheimer’s momentarily
can forget, that he forget.
Moments of pure Joy & Happiness, that are the golden alzheimer moments which will become golden memories.
Because you never will forget these moments, I still can recall all the golden moments with my mom. I wish you many both golden
This boy knows by hearth how to give happiness and how to make contact. A lot of people with very expensive care-studies will never understand this and will never be able to this.
That’s why our care is still a business-care and not an emotion oriented care where the patient is our Guide & Guidance and not Rules & Money.